I Fell Off the Wagon…Then Got Tattoos

Honestly, I could leave this post with the title and it would accurately relay what the content would be about. But what’s the fun in that??

As you could ascertain from my most recent post, I. Did. So. Well. I hit my halfway point on my weight loss and WON my weight loss challenge!!!! That was on a Monday. Here’s how it’s gone since then:

  • Monday: Bachelor finale. Did okay. Ate a cupcake and one glass of wine.
  • Tuesday – Thursday: ¬†Good job for Torey! I was just fine on my calories.
  • Friday – NOW: Ummmmm. I haven’t counted once. It was just supposed to be Friday since I was in KC with friends, but it’s turned into a whole long bad week of eating.

So now what? Well, I’m leaving on a jet plane tonight to go to Indianapolis. I’m not about to tell myself that I’m going to be healthy while on vacation. My friend Kari & I have already planned on eating all of the following: pizza / cheese breadsticks, popcorn, Oreos, cheddar sour cream potato chips, Mexican food, and let’s be real….wine. So I will let myself enjoy the weekend as a “last weekend,” of sorts. Because at the end of the day, my goal is 200….not halfway to 200. So I will start again on Monday! New challenge, new motivation, new rewards at the end of it (mostly my clothes fitting better).

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Nowwwwww to a slightly more exciting topic of conversation – my tattoos! If you don’t know me well, here’s a little tidbit about my personality: I am a goody two shoes who over analyzes every little decision of her life and doesn’t do anything unless it’s been very carefully planned out and the pros & cons have been weighed and measured with my family. This was a decision that yes, while I’ve been contemplating for five years, was made and done for ME without thinking about everyone else’s opinions. Here’s the results! ūüôā

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They’re on the inside of each ankle. The Mickey Mouse head and lightning bolt are on the right and the sentiment on the left. I absolutely love them and I am thrilled with how they turned out. ‚̧

Off to Indy I go!!!

Wisdom Teeth, Please Come Back

In my last post, I referenced that I really was thankful, because three days after my wisdom teeth extraction, I was doing well! And I was. But apparently my teeth heard that and decided to prove me wrong. So….six days after my surgery, I finally have some things to say about my recovery process.

  • Pain pills? I love you, but a couple of your side effects are causing me to want¬†to take a pain pill for my pain pill.
  • I was told I can’t go to “high impact” workout classes (aka Zumba & Kickboxing) for one week. I get why I can’t,¬†I really do, but I’m about done with sitting down and doing fancy stretching (aka Pilates & Yoga). Kudos to those that it helps, but honestly? I’ll be happy if I never go to another Yoga or Pilates class again.
  • When you can’t work out and you’re still on a diet, you limit your calorie intake by about 500 calories per day. I’m hungry…..all the time.
  • There is no pain quite like the pain of accidentally chewing with your back teeth while recovering from wisdom teeth surgery.
  • Foods I eat almost daily: chips, carrots, apples, 100 cal cookie crisps, nuts.
  • Foods I still can’t eat because it hurts & I can’t use my back teeth yet: chips, carrots, apples, 100 cal cookie crisps, nuts.
  • It’s a really good thing I love applesauce so much.
  • I can’t wait until I don’t have to be nervous about the next mealtime.
  • I never knew that it took two whole minutes to eat a Ritz cracker since you can only chew with your front teeth.
  • How long can apples sit out on the counter top before it comes dangerous to eat them?
  • Has it been six hours or four hours since my last pain pill?

In conclusion, I’m over this mess. I’d like to end this post with a letter:

Dear two gaping holes with stitches on them just chilling in the back of my mouth,

Stop. Hurting. So. Much.

Sincerely,

Hungry, Exhausted, Sore, & Out of Shape aka Torey Nicole

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My So-Called Life

Walking around tonight at my house, part of what has become part of my¬†incredibly predictable daily routine, I realized I needed to write, but had no idea what to write about. Also becoming part of my routine. I have about ten draft posts that I’ll start when I have an idea, but none of those sounded appealing either. Sooooo, I decided just to write about my life and what’s up with it.

The Diet Life
This part of my life is going really well! I’m down 12 pounds, and I am starting to feel so good. I look forward to my exercise classes, I can tell my stomach is shrinking, clothes are starting (just barely) to fit a little better, I sleep better, have more energy, and am craving water. Sometimes, I have to tell myself that I looooove calorie counting (case in point tonight when I found myself cursing the fact that olive oil has calories), and there’s been a few setbacks, but ultimately, it’s going well and I feel great about it.

The Dating Life

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Lord have mercy, how do people do this? You pretty much go back and forth between feeling empowered, embarrassed, and desperate in equal parts. I’m currently trying to decide if I feel like paying for another year of one dating site, discontinue that one but pay for another one, or just say to hell with it and stop all the apps. Who knows?

The Faith Life
Man, God is so good, you guys.¬†This past fall, a potential relationship didn’t play out how I wanted it to at the time, and it’s been one of those ones where I’m just like, “Okay God, what’s the plan here?” This past weekend, the message was one that I needed to hear, and it was exactly when God wanted me to hear it. I’m starting a small group (hopefully!), and continuing with involvement in the singles ministry leadership team. Like I said, God is good.

The Bachelor Life
Ohhhhh my goodness. I have such a love-hate relationship with this show. Let’s be real, it’s a complete and total trainwreck. but I truly can’t stop watching it! I go throughout the week, completely nonchalant, and then on Tuesday evening, it’s BAM! I can’t get home fast enough. It’s been kind of boring the last couple weeks, but last night’s episode was so good! Nick, the horribly annoying man, got rid of three women on dates, and just like that, he’s down to six! I honestly am thinking I’m rooting for Raven and Corinne at this point. Yep, I said Corinne.

The Rest of My Life Life
Work is going well! Our big event came and went, and my body is finally done yelling at me for not giving it enough sleep. I still love my house. I’m planning a trip to Indianapolis at the end of next month (I CANNOT WAIT), and I’m trying not to completely freak out about the fact that I am getting my wisdom teeth taken out in a week and a half (don’t worry, my mom is well aware she is to tape me while on sedation). I’m thinking about getting a dog, FINALLY got my credit card paid off (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), and I am going to continue hoping that the next time I come to you in this blog, it’s about something more interesting than an update of my so-called life.

26 Things I’ve Learned in 26 Years

First things first – Christmas update on the blog! I love this holiday so much, and I did most of my Christmas decorating in my house today. I’m finishing up my birthday with a cheesy Christmas movie, and decking my blog out in Christmas just seemed like the natural thing to do.

Second things second – the mouse is DEAD! My friend Jacob was here and set good old wooden traps, and it got caught within a day and I AM SO HAPPY!!! The journey was documented in a five part facebook live series, and thank goodness it’s (hopefully) over.

Third things third – it’s my birthday (well it was when I started writing this…it won’t be when I post it)! I’m officially 26 years old now. It’s the last year of my mid twenties and first year of my late twenties, and I’m not¬†totally¬†sure how I feel about it. It’s been a lovely day. I have a great family and group of friends that are far too good to me.

I was watching one of my new youtuber’s videos the other day, and she posted this one not too long ago. Watch it and then read on.

I loved it, so I decided for my 26th, I’m going to share 26 Things I’ve Learned in 26 Years!

  1. Don’t go to sleep with your hair wet (Yep, stole this one from the video, but it’s so true).
  2. Find your perfect Sonic happy hour drink.
  3. There is no such thing as having too many plush throw blankets, and don’t let anyone ever tell you different.
  4. Music can heal you. Let it.
  5. There’s no good reason to pee outside when indoor plumbing is an option.
  6. You have to  be happy with yourself first before you can cultivate any meaningful relationship (romantic or otherwise).
  7. You can learn something every day, if you just try.
  8. Mouse proof your house. Even if you don’t think you need to.
  9. Friendships are a two way street. Don’t be upset with someone for not reaching out to you if you haven’t reached out to them.
  10. Reach out to your friends. Build your support system.
  11. Find a friend that will tell you the harsh truth, because the time you least want to hear it is the time you will need to hear it the most.
  12. Don’t bite your nails.
  13. Respect others for having opinions that are different than yours and lead different lifestyles than you do. This world takes all kinds of kinds.
  14. It’s perfectly acceptable to cry yourself to sleep as an adult.
  15. Dance in your car to whatever music you have on as often as you possibly can, especially at stoplights.
  16. The world owes you nothing. But you owe yourself everything. Work hard to be the best version of yourself, and never stop trying to figure out who that is.
  17. Pray.
  18. Call your mom. And answer when she calls you.
  19. Make a budget and try as hard as you can to stick to it, but don’t fault yourself if this takes a few tries to get right.
  20. Learn to cook a few meals by yourself.
  21. Eat Mexican food a bare minimum of three times a month.
  22. Disney & Taylor Swift singalongs can always always always make a bad day better.
  23. Try to start each day with a cheerful attitude and smile on your face.
  24. When you pack to go somewhere, triple check your bag for underwear.
  25. Don’t wear a glittery sweater to the airport.
  26. Figure out what’s important to you, and make sure those around you know what that is by living an authentic life.

There you have it! A few nuggets that I’ve learned as I continue the trek through my twenties!

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I Don’t (Always) Have My Sh*t Together

Pardon the reference to a curse word in my title, but people, this is a straight up real talk post. This weekend, I spent some time with some old friends at a wedding. The wedding was a 2+ hour drive away, so it was a long time in a car on the way back for us to just talk about life. The good things, the bad things, the confusing things, and everything in between. Honestly? It was both a liberating discussion and a bothersome one.

I discovered that I’m not alone – there are others in my life, close to my age, that also spend some of their time having absolutely no idea what they’re doing in their life. This was the liberating part – the bothersome part? The fact remains that, at times, I literally have¬†no. idea.¬†what I’m doing. And I’m really trying really hard to figure it out…and some days I get a little more figured out and some days I don’t. One step forward, two steps back.

Granted, there are factors that increase these thoughts, and I have to take that into consideration. I just went to a wedding, so going to a another¬†wedding single as hell doesn’t make being single any easier. ¬†It’s the holidays, so it’s harder to be alone and easy to think about what you don’t have because everything others have that you don’t is brought to the forefront during the holidays. Another factor is my birthday, which is a week away. It’s my 26th, which is officially the last year of my mid-twenties and first year of my late twenties. Regardless of the fact that I don’t really have a life plan anymore, each birthday brings the question of, “Okay am I where I thought I’d be at this birthday?” And this year the answer to that question is…kind of.

There’s also the fact that I have been described as “stupid happy,” “a human ray of sunshine,” and I am about as extroverted as extroverted can get. I own a house, I have a good job, I have seriously the best family on the planet, I have a functioning car, I’m healthy enough to move around and walk from place to place, and I’m doing well for myself at my age. Combine all of those things together, and there’s no excuse for me not to have things figured out. There’s this sense of pressure (that I mostly put on myself), that I¬†have¬†to have my life together, and I¬†have¬†to know the answers, and I just¬†have¬†to be patient with the things in my life I don’t have yet, and that I haven’t figured out yet.

There are times when I totally have it. When I’m away from the office and a coworker calls, and I can tell them exactly what booth number their client is in without looking at a single document, I’m on it.¬†When my 11 year old cousin smiles at the prospect of hanging out with me on her Friday night, I feel like I’ve done something right. When I look at my incredible family? I know it’s gonna be fine.So it’s not all bad. But there are times, boy are there times, when I feel crippled at your inability to answer life’s questions. And even more crippled at the fact that I don’t know if I’ll ever have the answer to them, or worse, the answers aren’t going to be the answers I want them to be. Here’s a good list of some of those questions I’ve faced recently.

Why won’t this damn mouse die?¬†
Was buying the house a mistake?
Is it okay that I’m in credit card debt?¬†
Is it okay that I’m going to continue to be in credit card debt?
Is it okay that sometimes, I can’t help it, I just¬†need¬†El Mezcal?
Speaking of food, how much longer can I eat like crap and not gain any more weight?
Why do I continue to not use my complimentary gym membership?
Is this why I’m single?
Wait…why¬†am¬†I single?
Is is the Disney music?
Is it the Harry Potter addiction?
Is it the obsession with Christmas?
How many dating apps is too many?
Is three dating apps where I should draw the limit?
What if God’s plan doesn’t include a husband and children?¬†
Surely He wouldn’t put this desire in my life to not have it right?
Do I need to change my online profile?
Do I even have time to date?
I should stop the dating thing til after the holidays and Bridal Fair, shouldn’t I?
Bridal Fair is going to be good this year, right?
Have I answered everybody’s questions at work?
Will I be good to go before the holidays?
How the hell am I going to answer these questions at Thanksgiving with my family if I can’t even answer them to myself?
Am I a good enough daughter? 
Am I a good enough sister? Granddaughter? Niece? Cousin? Friend?
It’s okay that this year’s Christmas presents is a little lighter haul right?
Does anybody else struggle with sticking to their budget?

It is a vicious cycle that just repeats over and over in my brain. Before anyone reads this and thinks, “Oh my gosh she’s really struggling, she needs help,” it probably sounds worse in black and white than it really is. Because like I said earlier…I¬†do¬†have a good job, I¬†am¬†a homeowner, and I¬†am¬†generally very much an optimistic person. But lately, I have been struggling with all of the above questions. The struggles can tie into so many parts of my life (faith, upbringing, life experiences, friendships, etc), but that would take far more words than I can continue to write right now.

The easiest way I’ve found to help with the fact that I don’t have answers to my questions are to stick to my vices, many of which I’ve been able to have while writing this post (I’ve been writing this for three hours). Vices like chocolate…talking to my mom on the phone…listening to music (especially Alan Menken’s instrumental Disney soundtracks)…and blogging. This blog is my therapy. And sometimes, I just need a little therapy session with myself to know that it’s okay…it’s¬†really okay…that I don’t have my sh*t together.


How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days…Oh, and a Few Thoughts about Dating…

I sat down tonight and tried to type about the election, but I couldn’t. Not because it’s bad, or good, or I’m ¬†happy or sad, but more because I just can’t translate my thoughts to fully formed sentences that are easy for others to read and understand.¬†So I came¬†home and did three things that helped me with my confusion…the first was bake a coffee cake. The second was watch a cheesy Christmas movie. The third was pick my favorite romantic comedy and watch it…and that’s¬†How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.

I haven’t seen this movie in years, and it is pure perfection. I first saw it when I was in high school, and knew absolutely nothing about dating because I thought dating was just something people did in their 20s and I’d eventually understand it. Well, eventually is now. I’m almost 26, in the dating world, and I now relate to this film on a whole new level. That is both a good and a bad thing.

Dating is confusing. I already was at a disadvantage, because I’m beyond socially awkward, babble too much, and have opinions about certain topics in the dating world that most men aren’t in agreement with. Sigh. But beyond my own insecurities, I think it’s confusing for everyone: those that like it, those that hate it, those that are good at it, etc. ¬†We all have no idea what we’re doing and we’re all just trying to figure it out. But the thing is that we all think that we’re supposed to have it all figured out already. That’s simply just not true…this stuff is difficult. But alas…I shall carry on, pray, and in the meantime, watch priceless romcoms that give me hope.

Because, at the end of the day, there is¬†no way¬†that I am as bad as Kate Hudson’s character in the scene you can check out below. And as I live and breathe, there is hope in that.

15 Things I’m Good At

I recently downloaded the app li.st. It’s a fun app where literally people just make random lists (or li.sts, rather) about whatever they want. I don’t look at it often, but in one of my perusals through the app, the li.st “15 Things I’m Good At,” kept popping up. My first thought when I read some of them was, “Oh my goodness, there’s no way I could think of 15 things, I doubt I’m good at that many things.” I’m really awful at taking credit for things and I deflect compliments like nobody’s business.  This ultimately stems from not wanting to upset people and a lack of self-appreciation that are different stories for another day.

I’m trying to get better at accepting compliments. I’m trying to just say, “Thank you,” instead of “Oh, no, that’s not me,” or, “Well I didn’t really do much, it was everyone else, I just helped.”  I’m trying to learn that you don’t always have to have a return compliment…sometimes it’s okay to just let people love you & appreciate you.  And it’s starting to work. When I read the multiple li.sts, I thought that doing this exercise in my own life would be a way to make it easier for me to give myself credit for things that people I care about give me credit for too. And since ultimately this blog is for me more than it’s for anyone else, I’m going to try to give myself some compliments.

Here’s 15 things that I think I’m good at.

1. Being a fiercely loyal friend.
2. Decorating and making a house a home.
3. Planning events and parties.
4. Consciously making an effort to bring my friends together.

It should be known that at this point, I’m literally going, “Okay, nope. Four is too many. There’s not many more than that, and I shouldn’t be so selfish. I’m done.”  Deep breaths. Let’s try to continue. 

5. Baking (as in baked goods).
6. Being a good daughter, granddaughter, sister, niece, & cousin.
7. Knowing all the words to an obnoxious amount of Disney songs.
8. Accurately predicting which Hogwarts house my friends will be sorted into.
9. Babbling (just because I’m good at is doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good thing).
10. Writing (up to interpretation, but this is MY list).

Seriously? Five more? Nobody even cares, and everyone is just going to say, “Wow how selfish is she?” It’s not for them though, you don’t have to please everyone. That’s the whole point of this. 

12. Attempting to convince people that my blood type is a mix between Diet Dr Pepper
and iced cafe mochas.
13. Knowing the ins & outs of every season’s plot line of One Tree Hill (Lucas Scott <3) 
14. Binge-watching television shows.
15. Being socially awkward.

There you have it. 15 Things I’m Good At. This was one of the tougher blog posts I think I’ve written. I had to force myself to type the words. I found that the bigger struggle was not in finding things I’m good at (see also overthinking things, buying too many comic book t-shirts, and obsessively organizing everything), but rather the struggle was in actually being honest about those things and writing what I see as bragging about myself and being selfish or ashamed.

These are ways that society says you’re not supposed to act like right? Don’t be boastful, conceited, selfish, rude. Don’t talk about yourself too much. Be just unique enough that you stand out but not so unique that you offend someone. But maybe it’s not about being boastful, or selfish. Maybe it’s just about finding the good in yourself and letting yourself feel that good, letting yourself see it, letting yourself own it. Maybe it’s about appreciating things about yourself that society makes you see as ridiculous or negative and consistently tells you you should be ashamed of (See numbers 7-9 and 15). Because those are the things that other people will love about you. Those are the things that make you appreciate yourself. Those are ways you can grow into yourself. Which I think everyone is consistently struggling with, regardless of their age or experience. Everyone is trying to figure out who they are, and sometimes…that starts with bragging about yourself.